Austin had introduced me to powdered sauce mixes. They are incredibly inexpensive and all he ate as an intern in D.C. the summer before me. He used to buy them all the time at the Stop and Shop down the hill from our college campus. Which makes me wonder why? He didn’t have a hot … More It’s Powdered Pasta Sauce Day!
I was sucking face on the dancefloor with a guy with teenage pizza face and a straight bang Caesar haircut. It was the first night with our fake IDs, and much to our disappointment, they didn’t even bother to card. We ordered rookie blender drinks and Jäger shots. Little Caesar made his move. He wore … More Little Caesar
I was seventeen and a hotshot visiting the “City” where friends knew where in the “Village” to buy some fake IDs. We flipped through a binder of laminated samples. Instead of working in the far more popular and lucrative medium of state licenses, this craftsman focused his talent solely on university IDs. All were identical … More How to Overthink Your Fake-ID Lies
Assuming incorrectly we were friends because we shared some chips and Tex-Mex, Androgynous Female Receptionist gave us an invitation to her housewarming party. When I complained I didn’t want to go, Peter saw the opportunity to impart another life lesson; “Never turn down an invitation.” Yes, astute advice. On the other hand, I wanted … More A Fairytale Ending for MMM & AFR
With no potluck, no desk sex, and rum running out, Peter and I decided it was time to go. We were going to meet Austin and Shelly at Taco Shore. The Congressman’s Androgynous Female Receptionist had been unsuccessfully flirting with Mustached Mortuary Man and invited themselves along. We abruptly exited the party, leaving the poor Puerto Ricans … More Not Church Tongue
My friend Austin was driving in after the Puerto Rico party with his girlfriend Shelly to stay with me the weekend. I was surprised that he was visiting. The last time was during the Fourth of July and Callie and I ditched him at our favorite Irish pub when they wouldn’t let him in. He … More Dignitary Visits
My roommate Michelle and I had been picked up on the Metro within days of each other. Her relationship bloomed. Mine wilted. This guy and I had been eyeing each other the entire ride. We got off at the same stop at Woodley Park and awkwardly walked next to each other. Now, this next memory … More Maybe-Brad?