Misery Loves Company and Day Drinking

I feared no one more in my life.

Archie was The Congressman’s Press Secretary who also served as his intern coordinator.   In his 40s, he had a pubescent chirp instead of a voice and a crowbar stuck up his butt.  Archie’s nervous ticks were infectious and breathing the same air gave me agita.

It was unusual to have such a senior member of the staff herd the interns.  It was an unenviable task given to recently hired college graduates.  In hindsight, since Archie liked having minions, he probably asked for the job.

When I was awarded the internship Archie and I agreed I would come in a couple days a week during the summer and full-time when the fall semester began.

Archie handed me a stuffed redwell folder full of copied articles about The Congressman, some dating back decades.  I was told to review the folder before I returned the next week.

I am a naturally anxious person, but this put me into a tailspin.  Was I going to be tested?  Avoidance was my therapy of choice, and I arrived the next week without having read anything.

I was the only intern Archie could abuse, and I was dreading going full-time by myself.

Peter and I met up for drinks about a week before the start of our college’s Semester in Washington Program.  He still hadn’t gotten an internship.

D.C. residents do not have any representation in the Senate and only have 1 delegate in the House.  Peter was a D.C. resident and he wasn’t going to work for some place-holder.

Somehow Peter brainwashed me into suggesting he intern with The Congressman.  He likely politely refused and said that wasn’t necessary, he would find an internship on his own; then manipulated the conversation again to get me to say, “Oh I insist!”

The next day I bought a suit-and-tie Peter along with me.  He handed Archie his much more impressive, yet undoubtedly padded, resume.  Archie practically Lewinski’ed his pants when he saw St. Albans private school and hired Peter immediately.

We went to lunch and got egregiously drunk to celebrate; him, for landing an internship in time and me for having another underling to share the abuse with.


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