We woke up the next morning ready to head back to D.C. and our new internships. The Congressman’s chapter had closed, and I was grateful that we had made it through the trip without Peter suggesting we have campaign sex.
We swung by campaign headquarters one last time to say goodbye. Peter asked for a bumper sticker to put on his Death Jeep. Strangely, those were one thing that we didn’t see floating around the office, or on anyone’s car. We soon found out why.
Blanche and Rose went deep into the bowels of the building and returned with the ugliest bumper sticker we had ever seen. One of The Congressman’s ex-wives had “designed” them. Its pièce de résistance was what the Golden Girls called the “Candy G.”
Still, into our klepto phase, there was one more thing we wanted to take. In the corner of one of the front rooms was a four-foot silver glitter encrusted elephant. Probably from a fundraiser decades earlier, he looked like a Republican disco ball. When no one was looking, we got the elephant outside and managed to carry him down the front steps.
Pivot as we might, he wouldn’t fit in the back of the Death mobile. He was going to have to stay in New York. This thing was more cumbersome than it looked, and we didn’t want to risk additional potential injury than what we were facing in the Jeep. Going back up those steps was not an option.
Instead, we lifted the disco elephant, so he stood on top of Archie’s red P.O.S. (complete with a Candy G campaign magnet on the side) that was parked out front. We waited to leave until Archie noticed that his car had been commandeered by a pachyderm in drag.
He did the usual ranting and raving, while everyone else laughed. Someone told The Congressman, and he came out roaring. Archie quickly changed his tune once our childlessness had been approved by his boss.
We took some pictures by the car, and when Archie asked for help getting the elephant back inside, we jumped in the Jeep and took off.
The sticker Peter had just put on his rusted bumper flew off in the escape. As we looked back at it falling to the ground, we also saw a red-faced Archie unsuccessfully trying to lift the elephant off his car.
Not to worry, as I’m as sure the Guatemalans were on their way to help.
“I’ll take ‘People Who Went Crazy’ for 200 Alex.”
“This person quit his position as intern coordinator shortly after two interns ruined his life.”
“Who is Archie?”
“That is correct!”